


ashes to ashes, [star]dust to dust

by theladymrgana



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Study, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Tony Stark Has A Heart, maybe she's born with it maybe it's a semi-non-linear narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 10:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14494608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladymrgana/pseuds/theladymrgana
Summary: Steve sits there, staring at him. They haven’t seen each other or spoken in over two years. Tony wants to feel like he’s looking at a stranger, but he knows him, remembers the set of his jaw and the color of his eyes.Even after all this time, he still remembers.Or,After Infinity War, Tony Stark waits.





	ashes to ashes, [star]dust to dust

_ i. _

 

Here’s the thing. 

 

At the end of that first day, Tony is not actually alone. Nebula was left with him, and now is sitting quietly on the other side of her ship. Neither of them had spoken to each other since the battle ended; neither had anything left to say. The day’s events hung between them, but the silence wasn’t suffocating, wasn’t heavy, wasn’t anything but the silence of two people who had seen too many wars. Had seen too many deaths. 

 

Tony Stark had never believed himself to be immortal. But the people around him— hyperactive teenagers, some random aliens, a sorcerer with an ego to rival his own— well, they were another story. 

 

This is what is left after the end of the world: two strangers traveling alone in a spaceship, heading towards a home that might not even exist anymore.

 

_ii._

 

He goes to New York first. He goes to New York long enough to find out that Pepper is gone. He didn’t always love her like he should, but he did love her. She was his closest friend, and he wishes that counted for something. Instead there’s a half empty wine glass and her phone sitting on her desk— this is what’s left in a world where everything floods through his outstretched palms. 

 

Outside, New York is burning, worse than after the Chitauri attacks, when he had stared down a black hole and dared it to stare back. He had thought he would die there once, but he didn’t. Now, the city is burning around him, the streets full of panic, but there’s no one to save them. There’s no one to avenge them, and Tony cannot take on that mantle alone. 

 

No one here knows what happened, but Tony is not sure that knowing makes anything better. 

 

He needs to tell someone about Peter, but May’s gone, and he doesn’t know where to find Ned. He was so used to him trailing behind Peter, that without him there, he doesn’t know where to look. He doesn’t know if he wants to look. Thanos had hoped people would remember him, but instead he feels like the only one left to remember his dead. 

 

He has been awake now for too many hours to count, and he can’t stand up straight because his side is fucked to hell, but he can’t bring himself to care. He could die in the middle of these streets, in broken armor he’s too tired to strip off, and there would be no one left to care. He think about collapsing against the nearest wall. He thinks it would be easy, and so little in his life had been easy. Instead, he keeps walking. 

 

He leaves New York. 

 

This isn’t the first time he’s left. He built the compound upstate, learned when to let go of his ghosts. New York was his home, once, but it was also Steve’s, and he knows when to leave well enough alone. 

 

He’d almost shaken off Steve’s ghost, enough to forget about stolen moments in the tower, about shaky laughter overlooking the city. He kept the phone, though, because some things are too big to fully forget. The phone was never about a ghost. The phone was about a future. 

 

He wonders if these new ghosts will ever leave. 

 

When he stumbles back onto the ship, landed in the not-yet ruins of New York, Nebula is still there, waiting like she knew this wouldn’t be the final destination. He’s not quite sure where they’re heading, not quite sure how long it’s been, or what day it is, but—

 

_iii._

 

He doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he remembers waking up.

 

He’s woken up in enough hospitals to know that’s where he is now, but the hospital isn’t like one he’s ever seen. He’s lying on a flat table, the room around him all bright, clean lines and tech impressive enough to rival his own. He sits up, slowly, feeling dizzy, but the pain in his side is gone. His body aches from disuse, but not from battle. This hospital must work miracles, but not the right ones.

 

When he looks over, he’s not sure who he expects to see keeping vigil at his side. There’s no one— Peter is gone, and Pepper, and he never expected Nebula to stay. He doesn’t even know who else is left. The room is empty, and he can feel his heart rate rising, his breath quickening, and he wants out but he now he doesn’t even know what he wants out of— 

 

A woman— no, a teenager— walks into the room. He looks at her, tries to remember how to breathe. Her hair is all braided and twisted up on her head, and she’s looking down a tablet in her hands. 

 

“You are awake,” she says, her voice stoic. She's not holding his eyes. Her back is straight, but the bags under her eyes hang dark and heavy. He thinks he understands— this girl, whoever she is, has lost people too.

 

He wants to ask her a question, any question, but he can’t find the words. In the end, he doesn’t have to.

 

“I am Shuri, princess of Wakanda. You are in our royal palace. Our doctors— those who are left— have healed your wounds. When you arrived, you were bleeding internally, but we’ve stopped that, and fixed the other injuries we found. You’ve been asleep for about a day, now.”

 

She looks up from her notes, stares him down with a gaze that looks so sad, so far beyond her years— _god, she can’t be much older than Peter— was—_

 

“You are welcome to move freely around the building, or, if you prefer, I can bring your friends in here.”

 

Friends. He doesn’t know who she could be talking about, is too scared to hope that Rhodey or Bruce could still be alive and here. 

 

And, well. He and Steve were never friends, not really.

 

He realizes then than he needs to get out of the small room, go anywhere else, see anything else. He doesn’t know what’s outside the door, but he needs to find out.

 

“I’m, I’ll…” He’s sliding his feet off the table, moving to stand. The girl looks at him again. She walks over to him to unhook a monitor, and remove an IV. It almost stings for a moment, but he doesn’t flinch. He hasn't flinched at pain in a long time. 

 

“I will take you to them.” She waits for him to fully right himself and put his feet steady on the floor, gives him time to find his balance and catch his breath. His physical wounds have been healed, but his mind still seems to be working against him.

 

He follows her out the door, through winding hallways and down flights of stairs. The whole building is humming, alive with energy even as its halls are mostly empty. He makes note of the tech and thinks, later, he’ll have to ask about it. He always tries to make up for everything he’s destroyed by building things. He thinks he could create something, here. 

 

She leads him outside into a courtyard. After everything, he expects it to be raining when he walks outside, but it’s not. The sun is out, almost blinding. He waits back in the shadows and looks at the small group sitting together, not facing him. He feels, suddenly, all of his energy leave him. 

 

“I—”

 

“Tony?” It’s Rhodey. He turns, faces him, and he doesn’t quite manage a smile but for a minute he looks so _hopeful_. 

 

“Rhodes? You’re not… You’re still?” Rhodey steps over to him wraps him in a hug, and Tony can’t breathe for all of this. He’s here, he’s not alone. He thought he was alone.

 

He steps out of the hug, and looks over to where the others are gathered, watching him now. Bruce looks at him, manages a wave. The others are mostly still. Thor is there, so is Natasha and— 

 

Steve. 

 

Steve sits there, staring at him. They haven’t seen each other or spoken in over two years. Tony wants to feel like he’s looking at a stranger, but he knows him, remembers the set of his jaw and the color of his eyes. 

 

Even after all this time, he still remembers.

 

He steps towards him, into the sunlight.

 

_iv._

 

They don’t make plans, that first day. They don’t make plans for a long stretch of time. There are stories to be relearned. He hears of time spent in exile, moving from one small town to the next, hopping through shared hotel rooms. Tony never asks about Bucky, and Steve doesn’t ask about Pepper. This is the equilibrium they’ve made, here, in a place neither of them will ever be able to call home. 

 

They talk about trivial things, at first. Tony talks about nano-technology and The Maria Stark Foundation’s educational initiatives. He talks with his hands, lets Shuri upstage him with her technical knowledge, and teaches himself how to knit together pieces of Vibranium into his suits. 

 

He thinks Shuri and Peter working together would’ve been the death of him. 

 

Steve recounts a weekend on the run spent in Amsterdam, and Natasha smiles when he talks about being recognized by a group of Japanese tourists. Natasha was always the best at disguises, Scarlet Witch and Sam never really needed them, but Steve always thought he could just hide in plain sight. (He could never just hide in plain sight.) 

 

They don’t talk about why they were on the run. It’s not relevant, anymore.

 

They do yell about it, once. Both of them scream all of the ugly parts of themselves at each other. It’s brutal, no-holds-barred, and their screams seems to shake the entire room, but it’s necessary. Tony yells about debts, shouts _do you know how many people I’ve killed? How much blood is on my hands_?Steve yells about duty, about watching his best friend die, and maybe Tony understands that. They both understand death. 

 

When it’s over, they stand there, looking each other like they aren’t waiting on the edge of a cliff anymore. 

 

Natasha watches them, out of the corner of her eye. She doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t have to.

 

Later, he makes lists of their dead. Peter, Bucky, T’Challa, Strange, Quill, Drax, Mantis, Groot, Gamora, Loki. On the best nights he dreams of resurrections and stolen time stones, vanquished titans and rebirth. 

 

When he wakes up, the Earth remains at its new population of 3.4 billion.

 

On the worst nights, Tony spends hours with Bruce in the workshop Shuri gave him 24/7 access to. He stands outside the doorway to Steve’s room, until one night Steve opens the door and catches him waiting. They fall asleep together, clinging onto each other so, so, tight. 

 

In the morning, they don’t talk about it. 

 

It becomes a routine, after that, for the nights they can’t sleep. They still have nightmares when they’re together, but they’re easier to weather with someone beside you. Tony watches Steve while he falls asleep, and waits for the moment he looks at his face and doesn’t think of Pepper and Peter everyone he loves turned to dust. 

 

Eventually, they start talking about it.

 

_v._

 

The first time Tony kisses Steve (which is actually the hundredth time, or twelve hundreth time), he vomits afterwards. His legs give out from under him, and Steve stands there, steady at his back. There’s guilt in the way his shoulders are slumped over the toilet, in building things in the middle of ruin. But he doesn’t regret it. 

 

They lost the people they loved most, but once, Steve was the person Tony loved most. On the bad days that feels like blasphemy, but on good days loving Steve feels easier than breathing. 

 

Tony carried the phone every day of his life for two and a half years, but he doesn’t need to now. The two of them stand at each other’s backs at the end of long, ugly days. This is what was missing, in that first battle. The two of them together. 

 

They start making plans. The air is still heavy with grief, but they can think more clearly, now. They bring together all of the battle’s survivors— Natasha, Bruce, Thor, Rhodey, Okoye, Shuri, the talking Raccoon (Rocket, Steve reminds him), Wong— even Nebula shows up. Clint comes, and Scott Lang, and a meta-human named Carol Danvers. Tony and Steve sit next to each other at the table, knees almost touching.

 

They talk about different infinities. They talk about battle plans and time travel, about multiverses and taking the gauntlet. Every road leads back to Thanos. They don’t think about how they’re supposed to win when there are fewer of them, now that Thanos is the most powerful being in the whole of creation. They talk in the short term— about finding Thanos and about plans of attack. They don’t talk about dying, not when so many of them are dead, not when they have the luxury of time, now that Thanos has already won. 

 

They come up with dozens of plans. Tony thinks about Strange giving up the stone to spare his life, and he wonders which one of them leads to the right endgame. 

 

In between strategy sessions, some of them train. Natasha and Steve spend hours sparring. Nebula joins them on some days, kicks both of their asses. Steve comes out of the first match with her looking dazed. Natasha comes out of it looking like Natasha. She seems like the most emotionally stable out of all of them, but it’s possible that she’s just the best at hiding it. 

 

Thor waits. He lost everything, too— his brother (and God, Tony doesn’t even want to try to begin to understand that relationship), his kingdom, his home. He mentioned that Thanos had slaughtered half of his people, and Tony can’t bring himself to ask what happened to the other half. Thor sits and looks over the grounds, clutches onto his axe and doesn’t talk about how the handle is made of the bones of a dead friend. 

 

Tony sits beside him, sometimes. When he’s not in the lab, or watching Steve spar, he sits by the window, drinks with him. Raises his glass to their dead.

 

He had given up drinking, once, but he thinks he can allow himself this exception.

 

Most of his days are spent learning from Shuri. It’s still something of a blow to his ego, that a 16 year old is smarter than him. But it seems more routine now, and he lets himself get lost in the new information. When he builds new suits and gear for the coming fight, he doesn’t think of them as weapons. 

 

He spends his evenings with Rhodey, who makes sure to tear him from the lab in time to eat some kind of dinner that isn’t coffee. Rhodey mocks his untrimmed beard, but doesn’t comment on the fact that his hands shake more now. 

 

He spends his nights with Steve.

 

_ vi. _

 

One year in, Nebula and Rocket find Thanos. 

 

That night, Steve fucks Tony into their mattress. Hard. They don’t talk, except when Tony asks for it _harder, goddammit Steve is that the best you’ve got?_ They don’t talk, except when Steve says _I love you I’ve been loving you_ and _I can’t lose you too_. He comes with his face buried in Steve’s neck, and doesn't think his skin tastes like borrowed time. They fall back on each other, tired, panting. They don’t say anything as they clean up, or as they fall asleep, holding onto each other as tight as that first night. They don’t say anything because it’s already been said. 

 

When they wake up, it’s like all the air has left the room. There’s a plan that needs to be put in motion, a mad titan they need to stop, friends and past lovers they need to resurrect. Tony thinks about Pepper, and her engagement ring, and he wonders if she’ll forgive him when he breaks it off. The engagement was always a bit political, but she had been his best friend, and that was a kind of love, too. He wonders if he needs to ask for forgiveness. 

 

He was alone at the end of the world, and Steve’s mouth never tasted like forgiveness. It didn’t have to. 

 

There’s a plan that they’d all committed to memory, and a palace rising up around them. There’s a battle coming, and Tony doesn’t know if he’ll survive it. He also doesn’t know if Steve will survive it, and that scares him more, now. He doesn’t know who gets to survive, who gets to be resurrected, but he thinks about Strange’s fourteen million universes, and doesn’t allow himself to believe that he’s living in the wrong one.

 

At the end of the world, Tony Stark stood alone on an unfamiliar planet.

 

At the beginning of a new one, Tony Stark stands on a Wakandan field and sees Steve out of the corner of his eye. 

 

He catches his gaze. Holds it. 

 

He waits for the war.

**Author's Note:**

> I have finals to study for and three essays to write, but Infinity War killed me and all of my children, and I couldn't let it go. I wrote all of this more or less in one go (and part of it during my anthro class because I'm a #classybitch) so all mistakes are my own. 
> 
>  
> 
> For what it's worth, this is actually the first piece of non-academic prose I've written in over a year (gasp!), so please be kind!


End file.
